"Well, I'm absolutely convinced that being a christian is the way to live... if somebody would just try it."
"She's just recoverin' from plastic surgery... I cut all her credit cards in half."
"No, I don't think that's my husban Earl... That looks more like a caveman trying to kill his dinner."
"Look, we rode right over that rattlesnake and he didn't even coil up... he must have 'reptile dysfunction.'
"Don't take it personal little fella... I don't want any politicians or lawers around here, either."
"Oh, he's just sulkin' because he saw me goin' to the bathroom in his waterbowl."
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